They Say

They Mean

I’ve just cleared my inbox!

Your inbox is now full.

Get the Prime Minister on the phone. Now!

I have a healthy sense of my importance in the political process.

Why wasn’t I told about this immediately?

I was told. I forgot. It’s still your fault.

I’ve had a BRILLIANT idea!

Run! Run like the wind!

Here, I’ve bought you a coffee.

I’ve done something stupid that you’re going to have to clear up.

Here, I’ve bought you lunch.

Man, I’ve done something REALLY stupid. I hope you’ve got some waterproof trousers because you’re going to be in to it up to the groin.

I’m quite flexible about the hours you work.

I’m extremely flexible if you want to stay on two or three hours at the end of the day. However, if you arrive in as much as thirty seconds later than 9am, I’ll have your guts for garters.

Send out a press release saying I’m available for comment on today’s events.

 I am a media whore.

The computer’s lost all my emails!

I can’t tell the difference between an empty Excel spreadsheet and Microsoft Outlook

Hello, I’m your local MP.

But you can call me God.

Well, I’m not surprised she got promoted; she’s very friendly with Gordon/David/Ming.

I’m as jealous as hell.

Are you volunteering to help in my re-election?

 I’m volunteering you to help in my re-election. Bang goes the rest of your holiday entitlement!

Nobody told me that the letter had gone out…I was told that you hadn’t sent it…constituency office gave me totally the wrong information and said that you’d dropped the ball – I never said that about you. I think you’re great. Fancy a doughnut?

 I’m sorry.

I’m sorry but you’re going to have to work late tonight.

I’m not sorry.

We’ve got a problem.

I’ve caused a problem.
 

They Say

They Mean

Could you just ring Mr. Bloggs for me?

This man is a real pain in the neck. He rants on for hours in a monotone, I can't get a word in edgeways, and I can't listen to him for more than 3 minutes without falling asleep. I don't understand a word of what he says, so I'll go out for coffee whilst you take the flack.

Is your casework up to date?

I can see you have 300 files on your desk, and I'm just about to add more.

Your desk looks tidy.

...but only for the next two minutes because I'm going to dump four piles of my stuff on it.

Do you want some help with that?

I'm going to mess your work routine up again.

Are you busy?

I can see that you're busy but I'm going interrupt you at every possible opportunity anyway.

I think I'll do some reading.

I've buggered my laptop again.

My laptop has died.

I forgot to plug it in and the battery is flat.

The file isn't in the cabinet.

I took it home and it's probably under the sofa, but I'll bring it back in a few months.